Funny how easy I lose all my senses of security. Just when I thought I got rid of those unsettling conflicting desires, they float on the surface again. Like the Pharaohs’ curse; no matter how deep it’s buried in time, it will always be there.

What world is this? What ruthless reality is this? where you can either fight or flee. I tried both, and I didn’t sense any sort of peace – or even settlement - in any. What society is this? What worlds of what shores?!

I’m suffering from a chronic, severe, sick habit of committing the same mistake again, and again. To fall for wrong people, to try to oppose the masses, to stand in the face of the mainstream of fools, is an utter insanity! And sometimes I wonder what true sanity is.

It’s definitely my desire, my sinful guts to dream, my agitating sense of worth, my beautiful irritating ego, my strong convictions, the will to live free instead of imploring freedom. It’s time when I have to wake up and smell the bitter fragrance of reality. It’s time when I have to succumb merely to survive and I…surrender.