Why me ?
Why bad people can do million mistakes, intentionally, maliciously, and deliberately, and they can move on with their lives, and be given second chances ?
why the hell good people are always judged by one mistake ? even if done in a moment of irrationality, or absence of reason ? why ?
Even if it’s a known fact that they will never do this mistake again ? that they will learn their lesson ? WHY !!
why my life ends with one mistake ? why it ends in seconds ? what I kept for two years, deep inside, nurtured, all fades away.
I spent days, months, years, trying to reach the image of perfection as perceived by you, yet it all goes in seconds ? in seconds ?
why I can give millions of chances, but I am not granted any! not even one ? but why ? Do I deserve this ? Do you deserve this ?
why ?
I recall my loss in 2000, it was God’s will, and I couldn’t do anything about.
why is it happening again now ?? who’s will is it now ? why am I as helpless now as I was then ? And all goes in seconds..in dark seconds.
why am I always judged by the mistakes of others ? why ? why do I have to pay for what others do ? why do you have to pay for their mistakes ?
Time changes, people changes, but I am still unable to express my agony save by losing my voice and knees..and why all that ? because of one mistake ?
The ironic thing is, you keep doing good after good, days and nights, weeks, months, and years…but when you do one mistake ? only one ? all collapse, it makes you the worst person ever existed.
you keep doing mature things, mature enough, but when something slips from you…for whatever reason…you are suddenly a useless immature childish kid? this is too much to take…too much to understand…too much to live with..
you are not even given the chance to defend yourself !!!!!! you don’t have the chance to be heard !!!!!!??? this is crazy!
This is a serious mistake…
وقال المصطفى عليه افضل الصلاة والسلام :
((إن لم تخطئوا، وتستغفروا، فسيأت الله بقوم يخطئون، ويستغفرون، فيغفر لهم))
but do I still have faith ? no ? I don’t know…I can’t reason…not now.
All I can think of this…”we” don’t deserve that. Nobody deserves that, even the devil himself..
on 13 Apr 2008 at 3:49 pm # MeMe
?
on 13 Apr 2008 at 4:00 pm # Abed Hamdan
personal stuff..mind not.
on 13 Apr 2008 at 10:10 pm # sharifo
la 7awl wala qowata ele be allah,
first of all, all respect that you are strong enough to scream you pain out, jad all respect !
second, whomever is that “person/human” you are asking him for forgiveness, and not giving it, he doesn’t deserve your presence in his life…
you are a great person, screw anybody who doesn’t think that, and screw anybody who is trying to take this from you, don’t give him the chance, don’t give yourself the chance to feel that !
as usual,
Inshalla kheir my bro
on 14 Apr 2008 at 6:50 am # Abed Hamdan
Thanks brother, I really appreciate your words and understanding
on 14 Apr 2008 at 9:46 am # Wedad
I totally agree with Sharif… Give yourself another chance, and a break. If you believe you did some mistakes, correct them and do it for the sake of yourself o ensa el naas al a5areeen.
You don’t deserve this confusion.
on 14 Apr 2008 at 10:29 am # Abed Hamdan
Wedad:
Thanks for the support my friend, I hope things will be fine soon Insha’Allah, for me and for everybody else involved in this confusion.
on 15 Apr 2008 at 5:36 pm # Batoul
woahhh, I feel the stress… estahdi billah and dont be hard on yourself. Time heals all wounds, let time define you. shahadtak b 7alak majroo7a anyway
Bas if this person was to ask me, I wouldnt have gave it a second thought, he/she is mistaken 
Bas I definitly agree, less determined people seem to have it easier and then when it gets to those that work hard on themselves, people are edgy. I think its just higher expectations. They never seen a worse side in you and they expect things to be at their best a l l the time. Remember, the only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs.
on 15 Apr 2008 at 6:12 pm # Abed Hamdan
Thanks Batoul, so nice of you
See, if someone sold me on the first mistake…then this is what I worth in their eyes. So I’d grief them not.
on 16 Apr 2008 at 8:05 am # tinkerbella
wow, very touching post.
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Those who aren’t willing to forgive people’s mistakes, and focus only on one simple mistake, forgetting all the good things… they don’t deserve to be in your life!
Allah ey3awed 3aleek be people who deserve u, man
on 16 Apr 2008 at 8:15 am # Abed Hamdan
Thanks Tinkerbella.
The funny thing is, I am accused of being a self-absorbed selfish kid…
See the irony, someone judge you by one mistake claiming YOU are the self-absorbed selfish kid…
so stupid that it’s funny !
on 23 Apr 2008 at 4:07 pm # somebody
U remind me of my parents!
on 23 Apr 2008 at 4:13 pm # Abed Hamdan
somebody:
whatever, I don’t give a shit
on 24 Apr 2008 at 9:31 pm # somebody
though doesn’t really sound so, if u didn’t care u won’t have written all this. anyway good luck
on 25 Apr 2008 at 9:50 am # Abed Hamdan
I wrote “I don’t” care, this is present. What I “did” write (and cared when I did) is past, and past is dead. bye
on 25 Apr 2008 at 3:10 pm # somebody
(Y) good one^^^a7la 3abood
on 11 Jun 2008 at 11:32 am # sara
Do you still think it was unfair? I hope not.. I mean, I hope you don’t think it was unfair by God.. By others, yeah.. Humans..
And I hope you know where your faith stands now, yeah?
Bless your heart brother <3
on 11 Jun 2008 at 11:36 am # Abed Hamdan
Sara:
Actually now I not only think it was absolutely fair, but I am very grateful !! I was very contempt and indignant, but now I firmly know that it was for MY own best. Thanks
on 11 Jun 2008 at 11:42 am # sara
WOW!
Thank you for letting me know!
I learned a seriously inspiring lesson today, by YOU..
I’m going through a hard time & you gave me hope.. Thank you
on 11 Jun 2008 at 11:43 am # sara
Thank you
HOPE IS LINGERING OVER ME NOW! REAL HOPE
on 11 Jun 2008 at 11:55 am # Abed Hamdan
I am very glad ! Actually I was planning to delete this post, because I thought It’s too personal and too emotional maybe.
See when we are emotionally involved and hurt, we can’t rationalize things. But after I cooled down, and I rationalized everything, I was like “alhamdolellah”, it was all good, it was for my good in the long run.
I hope things cool down for you too
on 11 Jun 2008 at 12:12 pm # sara
Amen!
SubhanAllah, it was my naseeb to read it, ask you & you answer, how amazing is that! WOW!
Bigad, things like that fill my heart.. Thank you again!
You have a beautiful name.. There are lotsa ‘ibaad, but you’re the only one I know..
May you be the special Abed who fills earth with as much of beautiful ibada in every aspect as possible, Amen
on 11 Jun 2008 at 12:18 pm # Abed Hamdan
Thank you very much, I am very flattered
I finally got nice comments after all the flames I got in my last 3 posts. Actually I got two angry emails because of my last 3 posts lol. Very nice to meet you
on 11 Jun 2008 at 12:22 pm # sara
You too brother ABED..
on 03 Aug 2008 at 12:27 am # cute2022kids
Alsalam 3lekom
Amazing! I admire you so much man. I think that allah love you cauze allah torment
You always, to hear your do3a’a. Allah ma beebtalli ‘3eer al3abd yalee be7eboo. neyalak enta mo heneh ur the winner ! So! Be positive .
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:11 am # Abed Hamdan
cute2022kids:
That’s true, Alhamdolellah I learned a lot from that failure..And it’s soo over and I’m happy